Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
