apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
