YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
