I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
