I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize