Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
