her vagine was all disorganized.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
