Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
