I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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