Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
