I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
