Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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