Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
