Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
