you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
4 words: hood of his car
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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