dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
