I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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