peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
