I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
