yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize