I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
