you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
