Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
