bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm getting married
To pizza
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
do nipples grow back?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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