i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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