yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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