Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize