Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize