Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
