i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
