Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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