So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
