You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
