I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
