Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
