I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
