the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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