she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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