Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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