he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i came on her dog
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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