Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize