I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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