Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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