Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
