There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
