I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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