the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
