I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
