I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
