I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
