so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
