She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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