3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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