After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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