Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
