you traded sex for a burrito?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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