We're facebook friends in real life
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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