"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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