some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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