I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
