Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
