"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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