I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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