Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
