It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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