my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
