i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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