my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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