i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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