Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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