this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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